My homoerotic love of Surveys apparently knows no bounds. A Train published this survey, and since I enjoy surveys so much I am reposting it. I think the reason I love surveys is that it gives me a chance to talk about my favorite subject...me. Oh well, don't act your so enlightened and I am such a philistine because I know you all like to talk about yourself just as much. I am merely honest about my selfishness.

Three screen names that you’ve had: Firestarter88, Zewell Cool (which I love and still use), and Lufton Pittman (If anybody can tell me what movie I lifted that screenname from I will buy them lunch. Here's a hint: the movie has nothing to do with computers, and the name was a alias of the lead singer of one of my favorite bands who had a small supporting role in the movie.)

Three things you like about yourself: My will to violence, my good taste in beer, my extreme loyalty to friends.

Three things you don’t like about yourself: My ever growing belly, My lack of empathy of toward other people, and my inability to forgive friends when their loyalty or friendship doesn't measure up to what I believe it should be.

Three parts of your heritage: Anglo, Saxon, Irish.

Three things that scare you: Nuclear Weapons detonated near me, snakes, being lost.

Three things you are wearing right now: A blue shirt, black slacks, and blue, and grey striped tie.

Three of your favorite songs: "Wichita Falls" Houston Marchman, "Mississippi Mud" Hank Williams III, "Down the River" Chris Knight

Three things you want in a relationship: Uninhibited sex, intelligence, and fun.

Three things you can’t live without: Crys, my new puppy Lilly (quite possibly the best and cutest dog EVER), music.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Scandanavia, The Orient, Amsterdam again.

Three things you just can’t do: Clean very well, Write in a scholarly tone ( I JUST WANT TO WRITE THE WAY I WRITE DAMMIT), control my contempt for most people outside my circle of kindred.

Three things you want to do before you die: Discover the secret of immortality before I get too old, write a novel, and get a tatoo of a gamecock (fighting rooster) on my forearm with the words El Gallo Del Cielo (The Rooster from Heaven.)

Three celeb crushes: Sheryl Crow, Scarlett Johannsen, Gwen Stefani.

Three of your favorite musicians: Chris Knight, Charlie Robison, Robert Earl Keen.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: A nice set of breasts, a really good nature, and girls who are cool or comfortable with their sexuality.

Three of your favorite hobbies: Playing Sports which I never get to do anymore, Reading, Video Games.

Three things you really want to do badly right now: Cancel my classes, Eat breakfast, and go see Crystal.

Three careers you’re considering/you’ve considered: Sailor (I always wanted to be an explorer as a kid), Lawyer (it always looks attractive on TV), a professional football player.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy: I have a penis, I am agressive, and I am told that I view women as playthings or objects.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: I don't take criticism well, I show a great sense of empathy towards movies, music and books (but show a surprising lack of empathy toward other people), and I love clothes, and although I can't afford to dress well, I am very conscious of fashion.

Well there you have it goddamn it, the fundamentals of T--to quasi quote D 12.

For the record: Everyone should check out TV on the Radio. The seem to be pretty awesome.

A Friend Sent Me This...


This was entitled "The Three Stages of a Man's Life." It cracked me up for some reason.


Before Marriage




Something about seeing a Lion mash just cracks me up. I guess it is the 14 year old Beavis in me. Notice the look of dominance and exuberance on the Lion's face. He is master of his domain. "THATS RIGHT, SON! BEAT THEM CAKES!" This is the lion showing her his "Oh Face."

After the Marriage





Notice here the lack of dominance and exuberance. In fact, he seems to be totally bewildered. I would call this the "I am sorry, baby. I was not aware that staying out until 4 am drinking with Buddies, and attempting to mug down with random girls, like I did when I was 21 was such a bad decision. I promise it won't ever happen again...or at least you will never find about it" face. This is when the man realizes that your life as you know it is pretty much over, and that the woman you married is not nearly as cool as you remember.

After the Divorce





This is pretty much self explanatory, but let me explicate a bit. To be honest I think this is just a stage. Although, from the pic it looks to be a pretty permanent condition. I am sure D-I-V-O-R-C-E as Tammy Wynette put it would pretty much be an ass whip for the male for quite a while. I do know, however, that you cannot keep a good man down. I think most males would be back to the before marriage "Oh Face" before you know it. I think most men have a very high resiliency rate.

Death, not as a distant metaphor for struggle, but as a ever present threat against my very existence...

Well I started a new exercise routine this week. I have decided that my blood pressure issuses can no longer be ignored. To be honest I feel like if I don't get my weight/health under better control I am very seriously going to die. This is not death or dying in the existential Plathian sense of we are all dying in some form or fashion. This is death as in "my blood pressure is 160/120 and I am going to have a fucking a stroke/heart attack and die." This does not sound like a good time to me.

This means incorporating some serious changes in my lifestyle that I have previously been resisting:

• First, I am exercising everyday for at least 30 minutes. I started using the eliptical machine pictured above at the rec for 35 minutes a day on Tuesday. It says it only burns like 500 calories but I figure that some exercise is better than none, and that I need to improve my cardio fitness and this is what everyone suggested I do to improve my cardiovascular fitness. Keep in mind when suggesting your fitness plans, or tips that I have a back that is virtually destroyed from a car crash at 18, and a sledding accident at 22, and that I have a serious shoulder condition from an old football injury that requires a fairly serious surgery that I cannot afford right now. I am not trying to discourage your input, but don't just say "Man you should lift some wieghts." Really? OH...MY...GOD! I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! The aforementioned shoulder/back issues pretty much rules that out. It has to be low/light impact exercises.


• El Segundo. Note I am aware of the grammarical mistake of "El Segundo," and that Segundo requires no "El" before it. I just like the way "El Segundo" sounds. It is my blog. Anyway, secondly, I have to cut back on my drinking...A LOT. Major fucking bummer here dude. I FUCKING LOVE BEER. CHEAP BEER AT THAT. People are always coming at me with that "If you like beer, you need to try Guiness" or whatever hoity toity beer they find fabulous. Not me. Give me a box of rocks or the silver bullet (my preferred choice of drink for over 10 years) and I am happy. However, cutting back is going to be a necessity if I plan to live past 40. Let me be clear on this: I WANT TO LIVE PAST 40. All joking and bull shit aside, I don't think "living fast and dying young" is as cool as everyone makes it out to be. It would be a major bummer to miss out on the second half of my life where I will have money, stability, and a good career teaching at university. I mean why the fuck even bother with a PHD if I am going to cash out a few years after I finish? I would better off quitting now and coaching high school football. At least with that I could probably win two state championships before death.


• Note: I am not saying I am going to stop drinking. That will never happen. I love to party. I am the spuds mackenzie of academia but I have to cut back on the drinking two or three times a week. Apparently your blood pressure does not approve of the "random nights of partying." I think this will also help me improve my productivity. Or cause a mental break down. I can't decide which. I have to admit that being worthless for a day after a party can be a freaking mega-drag.


• Lastly, I am going to have to eat better. Another serious bummer. I love food. I also love all the things you are not supposed to eat like meat, patatoes, bread, and gravy. You know, the good stuff. My fiancee wants me to do weight watchers with her. She says you can eat the stuff you want you just have to eat less of it. I think I may give it a try. I really don't have anything to lose...except my life.

With that said, here is my goal. 30 pounds in 20 weeks. I want to lose at least 30 pounds before I start a new PHD program in the fall. I wiegh 260 pounds. That was hard to admit. I weighed myself today at the rec. I was a seriously fit 210 in high school but that was before the back injury. I have also gained 30 pounds since my seizure in September. I am not going for a miracle here, or being unrealistic. I would be happy getting down to like 225 - 230, and then setting a new goal from there. I have never been a small guy nor do I hold illusions toward being a 160 pound skinny minny. I just want to lose some of the gut that I have put on. I will keep you updated. Wish Me Luck.