I don't want to go back to school.

The title of this post pretty much says it all. Boo coursework and reading. I thought this needed some touching up because I have been so lax in updating my blog this summer. Although, I know only about two people read this blog on a regular basis. It will only get worse this fall when I am teaching four classes, taking 9 graduate hours, and applying to Phd programs. Good times, Good times.

I looked for several "top reasons to hate..." either high school or college lists on the net, and I thought I would steal a few of the funniest reasons and pass them off as my own without crediting or citing the sources. I figured if I admitted right off that these are other's ideas and that I am way to fucking lazy to properly cite websites I could dodge the old "you are a two bit fucking plagarist" routine. However, everyone seems to be lazier than I so I couldn't find anything to steal. So I came up with the top reasons I hate graduate school.

• Article Length Essays. I say "fuck you 15-25 page essays!" If you have not had the pleasure of writing one of these little dandies, and think it may be fun to try then I suggest you grab your nearest pencil and jab it into your eye. Writing an "Article Length Essay" is roughly as an enjoyable but at least if you jab the pencil in your eye you can sport a jaunty eye patch. I firmly believe that NO ONE other than graduate students actually read these, and we only do it because the professors frighten us into it.
• Comps. If you do not know what "comps" are then I suggest you go fuck yourself because I am seriously jealous of you. Comps are Comprehensive Exams that you must pass before being able to conduct a thesis or dissertation. Think of any essay test you took in an introductory Literature course as a sophmore and multiply it by 1000. It is basically a two part essay question that takes 20-30 pages to answer.
• The aforementioned Thesis/Dissertation. I can't even discuss this one. "This is my poem to you." Snarky Bastard.
• High School teachers who return to graduate school to attempt a master's degree but never actually read for class but feel the need to attempt to carry conversation/discussion. You fucking know what I am talking about here and don't even try to back off this one. You fuckers know who you are, and don't come at me with any "I always read, and I am a very valuable participant in the classroom" shit. I don't care if you read, and I really don't care if you get a degree but don't make me listen to you try to bull shit your way through graduate school.
• People who read a ton of criticism and pass it off as their own thoughts. You can include grown men who wear spiderman clothes to class in there with this one.
• Guys like me who dominate Classroom discussion. I thought I would throw this one in there for everyone because I know you were thinking it.
• Any book longer than 300 pages. All books longer than 300 pages should not be allowed to be assigned in graduate school. Although I cannot wait until I get to teach my own graduate course. I will assign Marcel Proust's In Search of Lost Time or some shit. (Note: That book is like four 1000 page volumes long. I will put it too you this way: it's weight is ten pounds).

That's all I got right now. Feel free to add any addendums to this list you think should be added. I am interested to hear your additions.

The production is progressive, but the reason is retro...

I just bought the new Gnarls Barkley cd, and I must say it is fabulous. I definitely give it two thumbs up. This collaboration between noted DJ Danger Mouse (responsible for giving us the Grey Album) and neo-soul singer Cee Lo is quite the little record. There are 14 songs on this disc and I would say 8 are good, and the rest are above average. Considering that most albums these days have two, maybe three songs tops, that are good this is out of this world. Prepare your self for the song Boogie Monster. It will be HUGE come Halloween. It is one of those songs that will be added to the seasonal/holiday song Pantheon. It is funny, groovy, and has a halloweenish theme so the DJs will kill around Halloween. It will join the likes of Purple People Eater, and Monster Mash.

Try to think of Gnarls Barkley as similar to The Roots collaboration with techno DJ BT The Tao of the Machine for the Blade Two soundtrack, or Richie Havens collaboration with Groove Armada Hands of Time, for the Collateral soundtrack only one hundred times better. Hands of Time was the song playing when Jamie Foxx meets Jada Pinkett Smith in the cab for the first time, and Tao of the Machine is the song playing when Blade and the Blood Pack enter the disco/vampire haven to look for Nomac. Speaking of Jada Pinkett Smith: Collateral was the first movie in a long time that she has been good in. I would say going back at least to Menace II Society. It is sad to see a talented woman like her relegated to "spouse level celebrity" because of her marriage to Will Smith.

Any whoo back to G.B. Mouse arranges the techno laced beats with Cee Lo laying down the neo-soul flavored lyrics. It is fabulous. I am sure everyone has heard Crazy, but the rest of the album is very good. In fact Crazy is probably the third or fourth best song on the album after Go Go Gadget Gospel, Boogie Monster, and Gone Daddy Gone, and the eerie as fuck, but very catchy Necromancing.

The aforementioned Necromancing is where the title of this post comes from. The song is about casual necrophilia (if there is such a thing). Actually, many websites insist that song is about having sex with someone who is overdosing, but I think they are just trying to sugar coat the song. I mean Cee Lo says once, "With this ring I thee wed. / Her body in my bed, / she was cool when I met her, / but I think I like her better dead."

YEAH.

Pretty freaking creepy, but it is a groovy song. Let's just hope that the Age of Permission we live does not see this as a door to bringing necrophilia to the fore front. I am a pretty open minded guy, but if we have reached a level of spiritual acedia that necrophilia is opening permitted....well let's just say I start seeing "Necrophila Magazine" or specials that try to explain or draw sympathy for this as a "fetish" or "alternate lifestyle" then I firmly believe the apocalypse is around the corner. I would be happy at that point to say, "BRING ON THE FUCKING NUCLEAR WAR." Man, I don't want to be vaporized. Where is this irrational phobia of nuclear weapons coming from?

Follow up to Yesterday's Post

I have been talking to some friends who act like money fell from the heavens with Bomar's sudden dismissal from OU. The strange thing is that I don't really think this impacts the Big 12 south race all that much. While I will admit it is a big hit to OU because they do not have another really good QB on their roster I also thought they were being a bit overrated this year.

I think Oklahoma was still going to struggle because of a rebuilt offensive line, and a QB who holds the ball too long, and immature WRs. Great defense but this still looked it would resemble the year before Oklahoma played LSU in the Sugar Bowl. 12-2 and an at large BCS bowl bid. I still think Texas Tech is going to win the Big 12 south, but now I am thinking they maybe a dark horse contender for a BCS Championship bid if they slide through the Big 12 unscathed.

Look around at the College landscape this year before you scoff. USC has some major holes to fill. Ohio State and West Virginia look really strong, and have to be the preseason favorites right now. Notre Dame looks strong but everyone has had a year to evaluate coach Weis's system and they won't suprise anyone anymore. While he recruited some good athletes last year he still does not have the depth he would like, and will be weak several positions (LB and CB). Right now the race for the Crystal Ball looks very much wide open. There is no USC type team out there right now that looks heads and shoulders above the rest of the nation.

J made a really good point yesterday about QB position in the big twelve looking really different, and he is correct. Only Baylor returns the same starting QB in Shawn Bell from last year now that Bomar has been dismissed. Baylor will also be installing a spread attack similar to Teas Tech's and will be much improved. Coach Guy Morriss has been quietly rebuilding Baylor into a team that, while it may not contend for the Big 12 crown, will certainly no longer be a penciled in W that it has been in the past.

Texas Tech is replacing Cody Hodges with either Graham Harrell or Chris Todd (The favorite is rumored to be Harrell and he has all but been given the job. He also completed 93% of his passes in the spring. Yes you read that correctly.) Oklahoma State is replacing Donovan Woods with Bobby Reid. Reid, you may recall, lead the Galena Park North Shore team two years about that broke Vince Young's teams records for points and yards. He was also one of the most highly recruited players from two years ago who spurned offers from OU, UT, LSU and Florida to sign with OSU. Texas is also looking for someone to run their offense after the departure of VY. My gut tells me the two QBs will split time early but that Jevan Snead will ultimately win the job.

It does make that game between TT and UT in Lubbock a LOT more intesting though. It looks like that game could be for the Big 12 south championship and maybe even a shot at the BCS championship game. However, the season shakes out it looks to be a good year for College football.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn...

I just read a report that OU has dismissed starting QB, Rhett Bomar, from the team. Allegedly he had a summer job that paid him more money than he was supposed to receive for work completed. Soonersports.com the official website of the University of Oklahoma Athletic Department had this to say on their site, "that two football players received extra compensation above that to which they were entitled related to their employment at a private business. This is a direct violation of NCAA rules. The two accepted payment over an extended period of time in excess of time actually worked."

While it has not been confirmed that Bomar is in fact one of the culprits in the scandal, sources are reporting that the two players dismissed were Bomar, and junior offensive lineman J.D. Quinn. Quinn is a listed as a backup guard, and hails from Garland, Texas and was expected to contend for a starting position either this year or next.

This is a devastating blow to the Sooner's and to Bomar. The Sooners do not have another QB on their roster who has taken a collegiate snap, and who was as highly recruited out of high school as Bomar. Stoops did contend that he ran a championship program that no one player is bigger than the program and that he feels Oklahoma will still be successful this year. Let's see if he still feels that strongly about the situation when Oklahoma is 2-3 in October again, and the boosters are calling for blood. This also has to be a blow to Adrian Peterson's Heisman hopes as he will most likely be facing nine and ten man fronts. For the record, let's stop calling him a "Texas School Boy Legend." That title is reserved for the likes of Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Kenneth Hall, and Cedric Benson or those players who did something in high other than rush for 2,000 yards on team that did not have a winning record.

As for Bomar, he will apparently have to continue drinking himself to death, a la Leaving Las Vegas, somewhere besides Norman, and it has not been said where he may land. While I hold no great love for the Sooners (in fact I hate them more than any other person/entity on earth) I am disappointed that we will not get the chance to kick his ass three more times before he graduates. Thank God Mack Brown gave him a hug after a recruiting visit or this Turd could have been suited up for Texas when this happened.

However, my question/contention is this: Since when did a player getting paid for work not done become such a big deal at Oklahoma? My guess is that the players did it in such an obvious manner that they drew the attention of the NCAA and forced Stoops to remove them from the team in order to avoid infractions. Big blow to the Sooners, Good news for the Horns.

Hook'em Horns. I'm out.

vs

For all my homies in the Merce. A little blasphemic humor to help make it through the week. Some of you may have already seen/read this list.

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of beer.

4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second beer.

3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Anyway, I thought this was funny. I'm out. For those of you keeping score I will be in The Merce on August 12th. Call me if you want to get together.