I REALLY NEED TO LOOK INTO DEVELOPING SOME HEALTHY SLEEP PATTERNS

I think I may have narcolepsy. This is not meant as a backhanded attack on those with this debilitating disorder, because I salute and support the sufferers of this noble diease. However, here lately my lack of healthy rest is becoming chronic. I am not sure how many nights in a row I have dreamed about tasks I have to complete the next day or in the next week but I would say the time table would more accurately measured in the months as opposed to days or nights. I recently read that the ages of 25-30 are one of the most common times that sleep disorders begin to form. What I don't understand is how I in years past I could party until five AM and get up at 9 and function like a champ and do this for several days in a row.

It seems like everyday around 2 my body goes into revolt and tries to force my mind to submit to some sort of sleep. It is getting to the point that if I get still I begin to doze off. The above photo was inserted not only for it's comic effect (which I must admit it is pretty funny) but also because I have dozing at my desk in my office a little too often here of late. I found the following at http://www.narcolepsy.org.uk/narcolepsy/Onset/show_page but it accurately describes my feelings at certain times of the day. It states, "Excessive Daytime Sleepiness takes the form of persistent tiredness, lack of energy and sleepiness. The patient has to expend an ever greater effort on remaining awake but even if he succeeds in staving off sleep, if it is in vain because in this state he is incapable of performing many tasks competently. When the compulsion to sleep is very strong may appear to be hopelessly drunk. The only wise course for him to adopt is to take a nap before attempting to complete the task he is facing." It is so hard not to nap but I am anxious because I afraid the nap will further my sleepiness at night. It is like I am afraid of sleeping because I am afraid it will prevent sleep in the future. To quote Lewis Black: "That...is fucked up."

The strange thing is that I have never been a big sleeper. I used get so pissed because all my friends would sleep until like 12 or 1 during the summer. I would stay up just late but I would roaring to go at 8:30. They would get up and I would so pissed because I felt like they had wasted half the day. I have always functioned on about 4-6 hours of sleep a night but now I am not even getting that. It is like I shut my eyes and I don't really ever fall asleep I just rest while thinking about tasks I have to complete. In reading this article one particular aspect of narcolepsy is particularly interesting to me: Sleep Paralysis. Sleep Paralysis is the loss of muscle control to the extent of total inability to move, which happens either at the start of night-time sleep or on arousal from sleep (it usally hits me before I wake up and I tipicially spend the time thinking I am screaming for help and trying to force my self to get up out of bed or off the couch. Good Times, Good Times). It can also occur after a voluntary nap or daytime sleep episode. Trust me: this can be particularly fightening. It is like you are awake and know you need to move but no matter how you try or struggle you cannot move.

It is extremely disconcerting to say the least. I have had this since my teens and I read a book about learning to control sleep paralsis in order to have an out of body experience. I never had to balls to try to move outside of my body. I was afraid I would screw it up and be locked into a catatonic state. Man that would suck. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it. The only two things I think could be worse that the ass whippery of graduate school are death, and being in a coma. The thought of unconsciousness does not appeal to me. I wonder if I have developed some sort of phobia against sleep. One of these days when I have a real job and good insurance and what not, I will have to look in to getting this checked out.

Just for those of you keeping up: My girlfriends check up at MD Anderson went well. They tumor is showing no change/growth so the doctor moved her from a 6 week cycle to an 8 or 10 week cycle. I attribute this good report to prayer and the grace of God (or Jesi as others mockingly refer to him). We also went to Galveston but alas their was no getting smashed on the beach on watching the waves roll in. What a bummer. I really could have used a few days of Corona and relaxation. Chicks can really be a drag sometimes. Since I have recently read a very convincing diatribe against marriage written on a friends blog I think I have pretty much sworn off marriage. I think I will let the author of said blog relate this info to my fiancee, however, since it is his cynical analysis of the bonds of matrimony that have triggered this phobia of marriage. Plus I do not really feel like looking up at the future Mrs. from a pool blood while she angerly asks those around us "how do you reload this damn thing?!?"