I don't want to go back to school.

The title of this post pretty much says it all. Boo coursework and reading. I thought this needed some touching up because I have been so lax in updating my blog this summer. Although, I know only about two people read this blog on a regular basis. It will only get worse this fall when I am teaching four classes, taking 9 graduate hours, and applying to Phd programs. Good times, Good times.

I looked for several "top reasons to hate..." either high school or college lists on the net, and I thought I would steal a few of the funniest reasons and pass them off as my own without crediting or citing the sources. I figured if I admitted right off that these are other's ideas and that I am way to fucking lazy to properly cite websites I could dodge the old "you are a two bit fucking plagarist" routine. However, everyone seems to be lazier than I so I couldn't find anything to steal. So I came up with the top reasons I hate graduate school.

• Article Length Essays. I say "fuck you 15-25 page essays!" If you have not had the pleasure of writing one of these little dandies, and think it may be fun to try then I suggest you grab your nearest pencil and jab it into your eye. Writing an "Article Length Essay" is roughly as an enjoyable but at least if you jab the pencil in your eye you can sport a jaunty eye patch. I firmly believe that NO ONE other than graduate students actually read these, and we only do it because the professors frighten us into it.
• Comps. If you do not know what "comps" are then I suggest you go fuck yourself because I am seriously jealous of you. Comps are Comprehensive Exams that you must pass before being able to conduct a thesis or dissertation. Think of any essay test you took in an introductory Literature course as a sophmore and multiply it by 1000. It is basically a two part essay question that takes 20-30 pages to answer.
• The aforementioned Thesis/Dissertation. I can't even discuss this one. "This is my poem to you." Snarky Bastard.
• High School teachers who return to graduate school to attempt a master's degree but never actually read for class but feel the need to attempt to carry conversation/discussion. You fucking know what I am talking about here and don't even try to back off this one. You fuckers know who you are, and don't come at me with any "I always read, and I am a very valuable participant in the classroom" shit. I don't care if you read, and I really don't care if you get a degree but don't make me listen to you try to bull shit your way through graduate school.
• People who read a ton of criticism and pass it off as their own thoughts. You can include grown men who wear spiderman clothes to class in there with this one.
• Guys like me who dominate Classroom discussion. I thought I would throw this one in there for everyone because I know you were thinking it.
• Any book longer than 300 pages. All books longer than 300 pages should not be allowed to be assigned in graduate school. Although I cannot wait until I get to teach my own graduate course. I will assign Marcel Proust's In Search of Lost Time or some shit. (Note: That book is like four 1000 page volumes long. I will put it too you this way: it's weight is ten pounds).

That's all I got right now. Feel free to add any addendums to this list you think should be added. I am interested to hear your additions.