I am tired of cancer and tumors. I think in the next 8 months I am going to be really tired of Chemotherapy too.

My mom's surgery went well yesterday but we got some bad news. The growth or mass was not the result of surgical scar tissue, or mishealing surgery. It was an inflamed lymph node. The cancer has spread to her lymphatic system. That is a major blow. Before my mom was thought to be cancer free. Now she has a very invasive and aggressive form of cancer. She has been retyped from a Stage 1a to a 2b or 3a in the level of risk. It sucks to hear a doctor tell your mother that without chemotherapy it is almost certain that she will die from metatastic cancer. Before was chemotherapy was an option now she will have to do the intensive regiment of chemo. 8 treatments over 24 weeks and it will be the nausea/hair loss type.

Last night I slept next to my mother for the first time since I was like 5 or 6 because she did not want to be alone. We watched the Cowboys/Vikings game and cursed Vanderjackass. We prayed for healing which I will continue to do indefinitely as I definitely believe in the power of prayer. It worked with Crystal so hopefully it will work with her. Today, however, she woke up high spirited and ready for the fight which is a good sign. Her, my brother JoJo, and I were drinking coffee at 4:30 this morning because none of us could sleep. It times like this that make me feel like I am a helpless child. I would do almost anything in the world to fix or heal my mother. I have said this before but I think cancer is harded on the people you love as opposed to the person with the cancer because you feel so helpless. I would gladly take the cancer if I could. Sucks my ass that I can't.

My anxiety level was already way in the red with the whole "teaching four classes a hundred miles apart while taking 9 graduate hours" thing but now the anxiety level has gone nuclear. I will keep you posted.